The Unexpected Blessing of Crazy-Ass Discord

Yesterday was one of those pivotal junctures in life where reality shows up with unexpected high-intensity chaos.

In the face of these jaw-dropping surprises you have a choice: let the drama override the lesson. Or let the lesson reveal itself by quieting the riot within.

At times like this, meditation becomes more than a practice–it’s like an emergency medical intervention.

leelaYesterday, with my dog Leela beside me (she is my co-pilot), I sat down in the late day sun to meditate on a turn of events that had blindsided me. What happened next was extraordinary. There really are no words for the kind of emergence into truth that outer discord can midwife.

I expected to still my mind, which admittedly was looping in its trial lawyer aspect, which loves to churn out facts and dig up evidence. This inner-lawyer is a purist–she is always on the side of justice and never defends the bad guy. She’s a fierce advocate for setting the record straight and I love her on my team.

But yesterday she was on tear, building a Supreme Court worthy case in a situation where winning was impossible and frankly, unnecessary. The upset itself was a portal to something, I only had to stop defending and step into surrendering.

My meditation catapulted me into another realm of possibility. It revealed the infinite perfection and perfect love in all happenings, no matter how “wrong” or “WTF” they seem on the surface.

The story of my upset is not what I want to share. What I bring to you today is a poem, written the day after, in the afterglow of Her love. Let it speak to your heart…it’s a song that carries the melody of remembrance for those willing and ready to recall the truth of who they are in the face of life’s storms.

Her Blessing

My heart came with a price tag,
a cost so high I assumed
I could never afford it.

I window shopped instead
looking through glass
at infinite love.

I knew this precious heart
was mine, that should I risk
the expense of owning it,
courage would plunder
my life, rendering
it fearless.

All I stood to lose
was the suspicion
I was undeserving.

What a strange thought.

How could God not want me
when my heart flutters in adoration
at her slightest appearance
and pounds a beat of insistent
devotion when her eye meets mine?

One day, when the yearning was bigger
than the doubt, I gave up window-shopping.

I walked into the shop
laid my all worldly boon on the table
and left with the treasure
of my heart.

Now—filthy rich in the currency
of surrender and adorned with pearls
of compassion—I know.

I know there was never anything
but this.

The window shop glass
I imagined stood between me
and my heart was my creation,
the wanting from afar nothing
more than a game of here
and there.

Between here and there is everywhere. And
it’s filled with heart.

Awareness is Here,

Lori Ann2

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Featured Image: Andrew Gonzales, Yemanja, Awakening of the Heart

15 thoughts on “The Unexpected Blessing of Crazy-Ass Discord

  1. Michael

    Hi Lori!
    Much respect for sharing something that personal!!!!

    It is also my understanding that these things happen for our growth, particulary with helping us to see some deep unconscious charges within us we could not see before.
    The stories that the mind produces are effects of the charged emotiones surfacing (no charge and the mind would do its normal mode, not the crazy story telling mode :-).
    Taken the focus of the stories and becoming aware of the charged emotion underneath it will bring the whole charge to the surface. And by feeling it without condition (no matter what the mind says) it will pass….feeling one lighter, with more emotionalbody awareness and opening the pathway for what often is called embodiment (we cannot enter the body fully if it is too uncomfortable because too much charges are stuck there)

    This must have been the week for this! Having gone through some days of a diseased body for showing me imbalances in the energetic body myself….but getting much better now.

    Very to the point poem!


    1. Lori Ann Lothian

      Thanks Michael. There may be a time where I write about the “happening” as well, but not while I am in the maelstrom of it. This is an existential torpedo that hit me and it’s rooting out the last bits of what-no-longer-serves. It’s been magical, even as it has been disruptive and de-stabilizing. Yet the “stability” was false. I was standing on a table with three legs.


  2. Davidya

    Hi Lori
    Yeah, I am sometimes astonished at the occasional big dramas that show up around me. But if I just allow it to unfold and don’t try to control or grasp, it soon dissipates.

    Similarly, when things are not going smoothly forward, it helps to take a step back. Sometimes, a bit more perspective is needed. Something you hadn’t considered may need to be seen. Or sometimes it’s all about timing. When the time is right, it all gels. If you don’t thrash and have patience through this, the end results are always better. And the way smoother.

    Lovely poem too. 😉


  3. Dave

    The poem is beautiful, Lori Anne… Yes, the “window shop glass” of the mind is always conjuring up all kinds of distraction to keep us busy in the world, and forgetful of our true nature. The one thing that I keep reminding myself is we cannot take any of it with us when we leave this world.


  4. Taz your writing, lori ann. ALWAYS, look forward to your mind bending, amusingly twisted (PLEASE take this as a genuine, compliment!), over-the-edge, and completely, thought-provoking, take on life – YOU ROCK!


  5. mildalove

    There’s “infinite perfection and perfect love in all happenings, no matter how “wrong” or “WTF” they seem on the surface” has been my focus of this crazy last week myself! Your poem really expresses the simplicity of our ability to just finally “walk in” and set it all down! ❤


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