My Awakening Story

Originally Posted Nov 17, 2011.

I woke up three weeks ago. I don’t mean I woke up in the morning, though I did that too. I mean I woke up from the dreamer of reality into the dreamless self.

“Behold your dreamless being, awake my child, awake!” I read those words almost thirty years ago in the book called Autobiography of a Yogi. I was 23 and fascinated by this tale of an Indian man finding enlightenment. Yet never, ever, did I imagine self-realization was an inclusive club. That I too could join its membership ranks.

My admission to the Awareness Club happened unexpectedly and suddenly, like any plot twist and turn. I’d been listening for two weeks to an awakened teacher named Adyashanti. In two CD sets, Fierce Grace, and Spontaneous Awakening, he spoke of many things, but what most struck me were not his words, but the peace I could feel behind them.  Day after day, I listened to his voice driving my car, sitting in the fall sun on a lawn chair, while cooking dinner, while drifting to sleep at night.

On October 24th I got into bed at 11 pm as Lori. At 7 am on October 25 I woke up as not-Lori.  Instead, I was a boundless quietude and delight, saturated in the moment. There was no noise in my head, because there were no thoughts except perhaps the one thought: Wow, this is different!

And in between that falling asleep and morning awakening was a dream in which I could hear Adyashanti’s voice saying to me, “Wake up. Walk the pathless path. Wake up.” At 2 AM I opened my eyes to my darkened bedroom where my partner slept soundly beside me. I stared at the ceiling and heard a calm inner voice unlike any voice I’d ever heard. It said, simply, “I am awake.”

Here is the Truth from where I sit, from Rumi’s field beyond wrong doing and right doing. You will meet me here. All of creation is arriving here. There is no other place to be, because you are already here. You simply have to let go of the distractions that keep you from noticing the vast stillness and joy that you already are. It’s not a matter of becoming enlightened, but rather of unbecoming unenlightened.

There is a quickening afoot. Awareness is awakening to itself, all over the world, in ordinary everyday you and me. This is not for the great mystics only, this wake up call. It is for everyone, now. Because there is only one of us here, waking up to self. Only one of us–in many diverse and beautiful expressions–is asleep.

I am not extraordinary. I was a seeker, yes. But not a diligent one dedicated to a guru, or daily meditation, or any particular path. Rather, I was most likely like you—a dabbler in metaphysics and the new age movement, a curious and open-minded spiritual consumer. My shelves are lined with self-help books, human potential movement tracts and sundry occult fare from astrology to numerology. Yet all these writings, and all the spin off seminars and weekend workshops, failed to satisfy. At some deep level I was restless and yearning for something lasting and unchanging. Something real.

If you are reading this blog, you are ready to wake up. The part of you that is deeply still, like the ocean depths, is leading the part of you that churns and tosses on the surface of reality. It is whispering beyond the you that think you are, Awareness is calling to itself: Wake up, wake up, wake up. Now.

In the entries ahead, I will chronicle my experience as barely dry hatchling. I am a discoverer here, not knowing the terrain, yet delighted in navigating this unknown world as awakened Awareness.  These dispatches from the frontier, from the place you too are going, might encompass an entirely different range of encounters than your own inevitable awakening. For you see we are each a unique point of view and expression for Awareness. And paradoxically we are all One.

I invite you to join me in my discovery of the unfolding now, the delight of each moment as it reveals itself.

In Awareness,

Lori Ann

PS: Did you know I’ve started a weekly 3-minute video blog? It’s free, fun and magical. Curious? Then subscribe here. 


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78 thoughts on “Holey Moley, I’m Awake!”

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    1. Davidya

      May 7, 2014 at 9:21 pmEdit

      Interesting link. Maria makes some excellent points. But as she notes she had not yet woken herself. As such, she does not actually understand it yet either. All of our concepts about it are always wrong until it is the direct experience. This is a very common recognition soon after the shift.

      And yes, Lori Ann clearly recognized a beginning with terms like hatchling. It’s like going back to kindergarten and relearning what it is to be.

      1. Davidya

        May 7, 2014 at 9:25 pmEdit

        PS – see you at Igor’s talk, Lori Ann!

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        Tuesday, Jun 17, 2014, 6:30 PM

        Location details are available to members only.

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      2. Lori Ann Lothian

        June 25, 2014 at 8:51 amEdit

        Hi Davidya! So lovely to meet you in real life recently. Yes this is so true, ” All of our concepts about it are always wrong until it is the direct experience. This is a very common recognition soon after the shift.” The thing i noticed most was how my mind so many times before the space-time event of ‘waking up” interpreted mystical experiences/highs as just that, and then crafted a clever identity from those experiences, such as “I am a mystic” or “I am spiritually evolved.”

        Ha ha.

        See you soon I hope!

    1. Lori Ann Lothian

      August 5, 2013 at 3:43 pmEdit

      It’s a metaphor, the “awakening” and the dreamer etc. So. Who is the I who is reporting using that metaphor? I’d say it’s the facet of God that looks like Lori Ann. Though instead of Lori Ann identifying as only-that, there has been a loss of that identification as true nature has gone from background to foreground. This does not mean foreground (personhood/ality) ceases to exist, and speak as an “I” but it means the background from which it arises, has moved to the foreground. That’s all. (Again, analogy etc).

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  11. rudyink

    April 13, 2013 at 6:14 amEdit

    Hi Lori Ann! I just came across your Facebook page. We’ve been walking analogous paths! I’ve been quietly blogging about spirituality and my own coming to terms with silence over the last four years. I had set on a shelf an early life NDE and a later mystical experience in the rapid pursuit of life! Ego and self have been in a blender, mixing it up in a dance of Yin and Yang. But as I write in “Woods Walking,” the quiet self has taken over. I know that I am and we are the human flower of the breath of God into the cosmos. We are that brief bloom of a flower awaiting assimilation into that which Is. Yet, we need not wait! It is the egoic among us who draw the borders and draw the swords. I stood in this morning’s first light under blooming cherry trees and danced with the Kiss of Presence. Ah, bliss! Pax, Rudy

  12. The Good Luck Duck

    March 15, 2013 at 11:24 amEdit

    I finally confessed to a friend that something weird was happening to me. I described it, and she said, “Um, Ducky, you might be waking up,” then she pointed me here. And, other places, too, so you’re not totally on the hook.

  13. Mi

    September 6, 2012 at 4:47 pmEdit

    Hi Lori. Can you define what you mean by enlightenment please? You might have created some spaciousness around your thoughts, are you truly saying that you manage this ALL the time? If so great effort.

  14. Donna Mitchell

    August 21, 2012 at 1:42 pmEdit

    Hi there….
    I sit here with tears in my eyes because I am truly moved to see all the people that are here,,,making a collective change in the world….
    Maybe peace isn’t such a crazy possiblity????

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  17. staygoldenman

    May 31, 2012 at 10:04 amEdit

    If you have never read Kabir’s poem, Wake Up… it’s beautiful and you would love it. Thank you. Just read your latest Elephant Journal article. Following you now… be well and Stay Golden. M

  18. Liv

    May 10, 2012 at 12:21 amEdit

    I’ve just found your blog and am now thinking I will leave work early so that I can go home and read every single post so far. My mind is just being opened about the type of experience that you are writing about (I haven’t experienced it) and I am fascinated to read more. Thank you for taking the time to write about it.

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  20. Lou

    April 22, 2012 at 11:21 amEdit

    I hope you accept my query with the intent that is made and not as criticism. I am an explorer in the same realm as you so I ask this as assistance and curiosity and not as judgment on your position. Have you ever wondered that the awakening you have experienced was caused because of subliminal unconscious conditioning from your reading teachings such as that of Adyashanti and others who describe similar experiences or state of consciousness? The words you use to describe it are so similar to the lexicon used by all those who expound this particular state and viewpoint. Could it be that it is not what you think it is but just a particular illusion of the mind?

    1. awarenessishere

      April 22, 2012 at 12:42 pmEdit

      Hi Lou

      The question only makes sense if you are not following the whole blog–in other words, if this is an illusion of the mind based on subliminal suggestion, then it’s a cure for suffering and that’s all that matters. Six months later, I am still in a state of peace. This means on that I do not react emotionally, am not plagued by incessant thinking, and experience a state of flow and ease. If my describing this state of consciousness to others, precipiates their own subliminal adoption of it, and life becomes on of natural delight and equanimity, that would be great! So the mechanism for what changed my perception and way of being in the world, is not known. All that matters is that it has remained so.

      1. Lou

        April 27, 2012 at 3:06 pmEdit

        Thanks for your response Lori-Ann. I am just expressing doubts that I have. If the result is all that matters, even though it is most sublime, but it is arrived at through an illusion then I would forego it. I often ask myself, is my sense of the absolute a projection stemming from a need or is it an intuition of a transcendent truth?

  21. tearingdownvsbuildingup

    April 5, 2012 at 10:02 pmEdit

    I painstakingly managed to get all the way through the book, and am still struggling to figure out why it got such great reviews…:)

  22. Davidya

    March 28, 2012 at 8:27 pmEdit

    Thanks for sharing, Lori. Always great to here another perspective, another unfolding. And yes, this is widespread. In my circles, a big wave began in 2006-08 where dozens of friends awoke. And a cascading effect, triggered by a kind of resonance. There is no way of telling from external factors who’s about to “pop”.

    You’ve stepped through the door and walked a bit. It sounds like you’re staying open to the process, which is very important. Some may tell you “this is it” but there is much, much more. One need only browse a decent translation of the Yoga Sutras to get some idea of it.

    Welcome home.

  23. karmiceraser

    March 16, 2012 at 2:21 pmEdit

    Lori Ann,
    I too woke up on October 25th. Must have been quite a day, eh? I stopped laughing and crying after about 30 minutes, and the expansive feeling lasted for several days, but I’m feeling “back to square one.” I look forward to a stroll through your experiences; I know there’s a key on its way to me. Thanks so much for putting your journey into words.

  24. SimplyBegin1

    February 17, 2012 at 6:08 amEdit

    Profuse thanks! Though it is a mystery as to how your blog landed on my iPad this morning I AM profoundly grateful and have learned to accept this new way as a miracle unfolding without effort!
    I emailed you directly then realized a response here works too!

    Kate/ I AM

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  28. Sagittal

    December 14, 2011 at 8:30 amEdit

    I love interchange with equals ….there are not missunderstanding at all. Let me tell you that almost all my llfe went by blind as christ says …i never read something about awakening,new age was a concept i didnt care to understand but suddenly i noted that there was a driving force that was making me more open to concepts as yoga and finally sungazing(surja yoga)… This driving force is in fact, i believe, a change of the energy in the solar system as we are beginning to travel throug a region of higher energy(confirmed by russian scientists) and that alter selectively each being in accordance to his/her relative grade of vibration(a.k.a love)and kharmic history… That is why there are so many differences in the grade such forces are influencing all the matter … bliss

      1. beloved

        August 20, 2015 at 5:31 pmEdit

        Oh dear, the use of the word “company” betrays the incompleteness. There is no other, no one is realized and no one is unrealized. You never was but always am. No one speaks, no one listens, I am vanished, gone, gone beyond. No-thing stands where I once was, empty, alone and all. I can not love you, for nameless, you and I are not, yet the beloved is.

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    December 14, 2011 at 2:25 amEdit

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      1. awarenessishere

        January 26, 2012 at 2:14 pmEdit

        Yes, I did a lot of writing and journaling. I’d been to a ganga-gi four day retreat in mid september and wrote a mini essay on my “life story” that in hindsight, was pretty foretelling, a piece on an airplane in which I write about the nature of surrender and waking up (sort of channelled at 30,000 feet) ….and I keep a dream journal, and in the months preceding this shift, I had five or six dreams that I was going to “wake up,” some with Tibetan monks telling me this. Funny you should ask about the writing–just yeseterday I was talking with my partner Fergus about how much writing has been a part of my spiritual practice as much as it has been for creativity. thanks for reading Tim.

  30. Sagittal

    December 13, 2011 at 7:08 amEdit

    Hi its me again:
    I want to say some tips to maybe enhance your perfect state …sometimes you will sense that this old monkey comes back i personally rose to that state of vibration gazing the sun to years ago ….so when i feel the ego is returning, that is feeling of sadness,fears,pain,envy,lower emotions i rise my eyes to the Great Solar Spirit and instantaneously feel comforted and the divine force is with me,giving me gigantic waves of energy along the day… I want to share with you that i feel that that this rise of vibration should be the beginning of a journey to the duality dilution of the world and that you and me between others are maybe some sort of frontrunners that were choosed to lead that enterprise …so we have some immanent duties to fulfil…..Thanks Lori

    1. awarenessishere

      December 13, 2011 at 7:17 amEdit

      Thank you for the caring suggestion. I have heard from almost a dozen people around the world since I began blogging, who have awakened from indentification with the mind, into the realization of truth, the vast still Awareness that we all are. I do not know if this is a revolution or acceleration, but I recall Adyashanti saying when he started his path as an awakened teacher he imagined finding one student who “woke up” in his whole life would be satisfactory….instead he has seens hundreds! So, who knows…I do know that channellers have been saying for years that 2012 is a “quickening” when the human will begin to change in potent ways. Waking up is pretty potent. Lori Ann

  31. Barb Miner

    December 11, 2011 at 10:06 amEdit

    Lori: I went to Amazon to buy the CD’s you mention and there is a Fierce Grace but it is written by Ram Dass. Can you “enlighten” me please?:)

  32. awarenessishere

    December 10, 2011 at 11:17 amEdit

    Graham, thank you for popping in to say hello to me/you. There’s a kind of epidemic of waking up, it seems. I have at least a dozen emails from readers who are awake, all over the world. It’s a delightful surprise.

  33. Graham

    December 10, 2011 at 10:37 amEdit

    I am what is, but also what is not – it’s such a wonderful – & kinda surprising discovery isn’t it? Graham is fresh to this too!:-) Beautifully written post. Enjoy!❤

  34. Anna Weiss

    December 10, 2011 at 8:47 amEdit

    This truth resonates within me as I patiently, and sometimes not-so-patiently, work through my blocks to allow my “self” to feel it in my daily life. You have inspired me with the compassionate sharing of your experience. Blessings to you on your journey and to each of us on our journeys.

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  37. New Light Awakening

    December 5, 2011 at 7:38 pmEdit

    Utterly wonderful, not-Lori.. utterly. I am so glad you left a comment on my blog, so that I could find this! I am sharing it with everyone I know and adding your blog to my blogroll. I am sure you are the first of many many that will awaken that I will hear of directly! Yay!!
    Much aloha, oh yessss..

  38. vimax

    December 4, 2011 at 7:58 pmEdit

    I think youve made some actually interesting points. Not as well many people would really think about this the way you just did. Im definitely impressed that theres so very much about this topic thats been uncovered and you did it so well, with so very much class. Great 1 you, man! Really good stuff here.

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